Due to a lot of drama in the past six or seven months, I lost my step son. His biological mother took him away after he told me of abuse going on his house and I took action. Since he wasn't my husbands biological son, we had no control.
So, today I cleaned out his room. Got rid of stuff that we'd never use again, his clothes. I kept up all the stuff he had on his walls, it still feels like his. I put my art stuff in his room, trying to make it into something positive but it just hurts. I got it all done in a quick hurried frenzy but now I just feel so so sad. Nothing's going to make up for space that's gone in my house. I raised him for from the time he was three till he was eight. He had so much light and he's gone and I don't know how to express that, express how much it hurts.
My house feels like he was here yesterday. He asked to talk to his cat the other day when I was talking to his sister on the phone, but his mom pulled the phone from her hands so he couldn't even be connected. He's gone and my art supplies and drawers and canvases doesn't fill it like a little boy can. Is that what I am doing with my art, replacing him? What replaces a child you loose?
I keep praying for you guys and that this wrong might be righted. It's just so messed up. I think what you've done with Joseph's room is a healthy move and a great tribute to the space that's left without him. It doesn't replace him; nothing really can. But paying tribute with your art, I think that's beautiful, Mags. I hope you get to see John again, for real. All my love from Massachusetts. :-*
ReplyDeleteThanks Mary. I have to make healthy moves at this point. It's hard to know what is moving on and what is replacing. Thanks for the loves....
ReplyDelete